Columbine Massacre
A Colorado Highschool student went on a shooting spree this week in protest of a Flash game posted on Newgrounds, wounding several and then killing himself. Witnesses proclaim that the student repeatedly critiqued the title Columbine Massacre as he fired at random.
"I can't believe someone made another game about Columbine! Its not even very good!" He shrieked as he riddled chalkboards and bookshelves with hollow-point rounds purchased at Wal-Mart.
Distraught students gave testimony to press while fighting back tears:
"He just kept going on about how this web game doesn't treat Columbine with much nuance! He kept saying the graphics were lame and the gameplay was a rip-off of Ninja Turtles 2, and then he shot my friend!"
Police waited outside the school until the all-clear signal was given, after it became clear that any innocent people they might have saved were already shot. Police report hearing the shooter screaming from out a classroom window "at least the Columbine RPG said witty things about Denver city water!"
A teacher who was wounded in the classroom where the shooter took his own life later remarked to press after recovery "his last words were, 'I can't live in a world where the game medium moves at this slow a pace'. After having him in my english literature class for almost a full school-year, I just couldn't understand it."
The shooting comes on the heels of the tragic murder of Colorado third grader, Gordon Stoltski after being mistaken for a truck driver of the same name.
